Miles to go:

I attended a birthday party for two of my friends yesterday and I had a wonderful time. It was so much fun to just sit and mindlessly laugh and joke with my teens. Being with people who are much younger than me gave me the wonderful freedom to be myself. With older people I have to maintain my so called "image" which I could forego here.While we were laughing and joking around a couple of friends were clicking pictures and they captured some moments which were so real, not posed for the sake of the camera.

After I got home I took a look at the pictures. It was nice to see myself smiling genuinely for once. It had also been long since I had smiled like that. Usually I always have a forced camera smile and pity few out of most of my pictures have me smiling because I'm actually enjoying the moment. I felt happy for the me who felt genuine joy after so long and I've learnt to treasure and savor these moments.

Unbidden the little voice that I had been ignoring all this while came back. Something I had been wondering for a long time. I have recently been spending a crazy amount of time with the teens and I rarely take out anytime to just be with myself. The truth is I'm afraid. Afraid of what would happen if I just sat and thought as I usually do. So I have been postponing the moment to face reality. Like a coward I'm running away from my problems.

I've been using their smiles, laughter and energy to fill up the emptiness in me. I've spent practically every moment with them to avoid feeling lonely.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

I am tempted to stay camped in this comfort zone. To just put down my bags and forever postpone the moment in which I should face reality. Postpone the moment of healing because it's too much for me to handle right now. But life is a journey and this is just a rest station among many. To stay put here would be to ignore reality and stay in my fantasy. It would mean the cessation of life itself.

But I have promises to keep.

I have things to do, places to be in, responsibilities to handle. Other people who I need to spend more time with, I need to focus on my vocation, my career and most importantly my relationship with Him. I am sorely tempted to procrastinate and spend a little more time just being happy. A little more time in this Utopia instead of opening up once again the volume of hurt which I buried to shield myself. I need to allow healing to take place but before that I need to deal slowly with the things I've spent months running away from.

And miles to go before I sleep.

This happy place, these relationships that are bringing joy, these moments are so beautiful I just want to stay put forever. But I'm still on this journey and I have yet to reach my destination. I have many more miles to cover, many more people to meet, many more experiences to go through before I can rest. The woods entice me but I have miles to go before I sleep and awaken to eternal life. And we know that death is just the beginning.

I must move on.

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep" - Robert Frost